〃Its just a bruise。〃 He sounded sulky; wanting to be repentant: a little boy。
For an instant she hated him。
〃Maybe;〃 she said tightly。 〃Maybe not。〃 She heard so much of her mother
talking to her departed father in her own voice that she was sickened and
afraid。
〃Like mother like daughter;〃 Jack muttered。
〃Go to bed!〃 she cried; her fear ing out sounding like anger。 〃Go to bed;
youre drunk!〃
〃Dont tell me what to do。〃
〃Jack 。。。 please; we shouldnt 。。。 it 。。。〃 There were no words。
〃Dont tell me what to do;〃 he repeated sullenly; and then went into the
bedroom。 She was left alone in the rocking chair with Danny; who was sleeping
again。 Five minutes later Jacks snores came floating out to the living room。
That had been the first night she had slept on the couch。
Now she turned restlessly on the bed; already dozing。 Her mind; freed of any
linear order by encroaching sleep; floated past the first year at Stovington;
past the steadily worsening times that had reached low ebb when her husband had
broken Dannys arm; to that morning in the breakfast nook。
Danny outside playing trucks in the sandpile; his arm still in the cast。 Jack
sitting at the table; pallid and grizzled; a cigarette jittering between his
fingers。 She had decided to ask him for a divorce。 She had pondered the question
from a hundred different angles; had been pondering it in fact for the six
months before the broken arm。 She told herself she would have made the decision
long ago if it hadnt been for Danny; but not even that was necessarily true。
She dreamed on the long nights when Jack was out; and her dreams were always of
her mothers face and of her own wedding。
(Who giveth this woman? Her father standing in his best suit which was none
too good — he was a traveling salesman for a line of canned goods that even then
was going broke — and his tired face; how old he looked; how pale: I do。)
Even after the accident — if you could call it an accident — she had not been
able to bring it all the way out; to admit that her marriage was a lopsided
defeat。 She had waited; dumbly hoping that a miracle would occur and Jack would
see what was happening; not only to him but to her。 But there had been no
slowdown。 A drink before going off to the Academy。 Two or three beers with lunch
at the Stovington House。 Three or four martinis before dinner。 Five or six more
while grading papers。 The weekends were worse。 The nights out with Al Shockley
were worse still。 She had never dreamed there could be so much pain in a life
when there was nothing physically wrong。 She hurt all the time。 How much of it
was her fault? That question haunted her。 She felt like her mother。 Like her
father。 Sometimes; when she felt like herself she wondered what it would be like
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