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第11部分(第2页)

He hadnt minded changing diapers; even those he called the special

deliveries。 He sat with Danny for hours on end; bouncing him on his lap; playing

finger games with him; making faces at him while Danny poked at his nose and

then collapsed with the giggles。 He made formulas and administered them

faultlessly; getting up every last burp afterward。 He would take Danny with him

in the car to get the paper or a bottle of milk or nails at the hardware store

even when their son was still an infant。 He had taken Danny to a Stovington…

Keene soccer match when Danny was only six months old; and Danny had sat

motionlessly on his fathers lap through the whole game; wrapped in a blanket; a

small Stovington pennant clutched in one chubby fist。

He loved his mother but he was his fathers boy。

And hadnt she felt; time and time again; her sons wordless opposition to the

whole idea of divorce? She would be thinking about it in the kitchen; turning it

over in her mind as she turned the potatoes for supper over in her hands for the

peelers blade。 And she would turn around to see him sitting cross…legged in a

kitchen chair; looking at her with eyes that seemed both frightened and

accusatory。 Walking with him in the park; he would suddenly seize both her hands

and say — almost demand: 〃Do you love me? Do you love daddy?〃 And; confused; she

would nod or say; 〃Of course I do; honey。〃 Then he would run to the duck pond;

sending them squawking and scared to the other end; flapping their wings in a

panic before the small ferocity of his charge; leaving her to stare after him

and wonder。

There were even times when it seemed that her determination to at least

discuss the matter with Jack dissolved; not out of her own weakness; but under

the determination of her sons will。

I dont believe such things。

But in sleep she did believe them; and in sleep; with her husbands seed still

drying on her thighs; she felt that the three of them had been permanently

welded together — that if their threeoneness was to be destroyed; it would not

be destroyed by any of them but from outside。

Most of what she believed centered around her love for Jack。 She had never

stopped loving him; except maybe for that dark period immediately following

Dannys 〃accident。〃 And she loved her son。 Most of all she loved them together;

walking or riding or only sitting; Jacks large head and Dannys small one

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