He hadnt minded changing diapers; even those he called the special
deliveries。 He sat with Danny for hours on end; bouncing him on his lap; playing
finger games with him; making faces at him while Danny poked at his nose and
then collapsed with the giggles。 He made formulas and administered them
faultlessly; getting up every last burp afterward。 He would take Danny with him
in the car to get the paper or a bottle of milk or nails at the hardware store
even when their son was still an infant。 He had taken Danny to a Stovington…
Keene soccer match when Danny was only six months old; and Danny had sat
motionlessly on his fathers lap through the whole game; wrapped in a blanket; a
small Stovington pennant clutched in one chubby fist。
He loved his mother but he was his fathers boy。
And hadnt she felt; time and time again; her sons wordless opposition to the
whole idea of divorce? She would be thinking about it in the kitchen; turning it
over in her mind as she turned the potatoes for supper over in her hands for the
peelers blade。 And she would turn around to see him sitting cross…legged in a
kitchen chair; looking at her with eyes that seemed both frightened and
accusatory。 Walking with him in the park; he would suddenly seize both her hands
and say — almost demand: 〃Do you love me? Do you love daddy?〃 And; confused; she
would nod or say; 〃Of course I do; honey。〃 Then he would run to the duck pond;
sending them squawking and scared to the other end; flapping their wings in a
panic before the small ferocity of his charge; leaving her to stare after him
and wonder。
There were even times when it seemed that her determination to at least
discuss the matter with Jack dissolved; not out of her own weakness; but under
the determination of her sons will。
I dont believe such things。
But in sleep she did believe them; and in sleep; with her husbands seed still
drying on her thighs; she felt that the three of them had been permanently
welded together — that if their threeoneness was to be destroyed; it would not
be destroyed by any of them but from outside。
Most of what she believed centered around her love for Jack。 She had never
stopped loving him; except maybe for that dark period immediately following
Dannys 〃accident。〃 And she loved her son。 Most of all she loved them together;
walking or riding or only sitting; Jacks large head and Dannys small one
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